Consider some
Biblical principles about this subject.
The meaning of the principal terms as we will be using them in the study:
*****************************************************
Bitterness –
resentful or cynical antagonism or hostility
Self-pity –
excessive, self-absorbed unhappiness over one’s troubles, especially problems
caused because we believe others have mistreated us or acted improperly.
Resentment –
bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly
Note that some of
the passages we will study may discuss these concepts or give examples without
necessarily using these terms.
Bitter self-pity
is closely related to other Bible subjects.
*********************************************
Other related
topics include grief, mistreatment, worry, troubles, suffering, anger,
depression, vengeance, and hatred. Much of what we study about this subject
should help us deal with these related subjects.
Thinking about
our problems is not necessarily wrong, so we will need to examine when it may
become wrong.
*****************************************************
The Bible gives
many examples of people who thought about their problems in order to deal with
them. But in other cases brooding can become harmful or even sinful.
Like anger and
many other practices described in Scripture, thinking about our troubles can be
good or bad depending on how we react. So consider with me what we can learn
from Scripture about the difference between wholesome meditation and bitter
self-pity.
Pray, Trust God,
and Meditate on His Word Instead of Brooding.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Examples of
Bitter Self-Pity
=================
Job 7:11; 9:18;
10:1; 23:2; 27:2; 42:1-6 – Job repeatedly stated that he was bitter because of
his suffering. As a result he complained and blamed God for making him bitter.
God responded by teaching Job to trust God to do right regardless of whether or
not he understood. People who brood over misfortunes often blame God. Or they
may fail to trust that God is in charge and will take care of them.
Genesis
27:33-36,41 – Esau was bitter when he learned that Jacob had deceived their
father Isaac in order to receive the blessing that Isaac intended to give to
Esau. As a result, he hated Jacob and determined that, after their father died,
he would kill Jacob. Bitter brooding often leads us to seek vengeance or harm
those we believe mistreated us.
1 Kings 21:1-4 –
Ahab wanted to buy Naboth’s vineyard, but Naboth refused. So Ahab went home
sullen and displeased, lay down on his bed, turned his face to the wall, and
would not eat. So self-pity may lead us to pout and feel sorry for ourselves
when no one really did us wrong. Eventually Naboth was murdered as a result.
In all of these
examples, people did wrong because they bitterly brooded about their problems
instead of putting their problems in the hands of God and trusting Him to do
right.
Examples of
People Who Overcame Bitterness
============================
In contrast to
those whose bitterness led to sin, consider these examples:
Genesis 50:17-21
– Joseph was his father’s favorite son, so his brothers became extremely
jealous. As a result, they sold him as a slave to Egypt. Years later, the
brothers were reconciled and Joseph forgave them, but the brothers feared that
Joseph would still take vengeance.
Mulling in
self-pity may lead us to fail to truly forgive even when people repent. This is
what the brothers feared Joseph would do. Joseph explained that, despite the
brothers’ evil intent, God had used the events for the good of their family.
Instead of seeking vengeance, Joseph learned to trust God to do what was best.
1 Samuel 1:6-11 –
Hannah was bitter because she had no children and because Peninah made fun of
her. As a result she did not eat but grieved. She dealt with the problem by
praying to God and seeking a solution according to His will.
2 Corinthians
12:7-10 – Paul prayed three times for God to remove his thorn in the flesh. But
God revealed that the problem actually benefited Paul. God said His strength
was sufficient, so Paul accepted that what God allowed was actually for his
good.
Matthew 26:37-44
– Jesus faced mistreatment and injustice worse than any of us face. Knowing
what lay before Him, He was deeply distressed. In Gethsemane He prayed to God
and asked that the problem could be avoided. But if not, He was willing to do
the will of the Father.
These examples
show there is serious danger in bitter resentment and self-pity. But Jesus and
other men of God dealt with mistreatment by praying to God and trusting Him to
care for them.
[Acts 4:18-31;
Psalm 38:1-8,18-22; 1:1-3; 2 Kings 19:14-19; 20:1-3; John 14:27]
Appreciate God’s
Blessings Instead of Dwelling on Mistreatment.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Examples of
Self-Pity
=============
Numbers
11:4-6,10-15 – Israel and Moses: God provided manna the people could simply
gather off the ground, yet they complained because they remembered the foods
they had in Egypt and they wanted meat to eat. Moses then said he could no
longer bear the burden of the people; if it continued, then God may as well
kill him.
Moses had
justifiable reason to be upset, so God helped him. I do not know that Moses
sinned. But the people definitely sinned because they failed to appreciate the
gifts God had richly provided. Brooding and self-pity often lead to a lack of
gratitude for God’s blessings.
Esther 5:9-14;
6:12,13 – Haman was second-in-command to the king of the Persian Empire. He had
honor, wealth, and a large family. Yet he was indignant and unhappy because one
Jew refused to bow to him. At the urging of his family and friends, he decided
to hang Mordecai. When instead the king required Haman to honor Mordecai, he
went home grieving.
Haman’s
bitterness not only led him to fail to appreciate his blessings, but it led him
to seek to kill a man who had never done him any real wrong.
[Jeremiah
10:14-18]
Examples of Wholesome
Attitudes Despite Mistreatment
==================================
Psalm
73:2-5,12-19,24-28 – Asaph almost stumbled because he was envious at the
prosperity of the wicked. They do not seem to be troubled as are the righteous,
so it appears there is no benefit in serving God. When he went to God’s
sanctuary and appreciated the blessings of serving God, Asaph understood the
ultimate consequences.
Acts 5:40-42 –
The apostles were beaten and warned not to continue preaching about Jesus.
Instead of bitterly resenting their mistreatment, they rejoiced to suffer for
the cause of Christ. Many people allow mistreatment to discourage them so that
they cease to fulfill their responsibilities for the Lord. Instead, the apostles
recognized and appreciated the blessings they had and the opportunity they had
to serve God.
2 Corinthians
4:16-18 – Even though our outward man perishes, we should not lose heart
because our inward man may be renewed day by day. The affliction we have is but
for a moment and is a light affliction compared to the far greater weight of
glory before us.
So rather than
focusing on your problems, brooding and mulling over them in your mind, focus
on the blessings God gives and the ultimate eternal rewards.
Work to Help
others and Serve God, Rather Than Neglecting Work to Feel Sorry for Oneself.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Examples of
Self-Pity
=============
2 Samuel
18:33-19:8 – David: When his son Absalom led a revolution and was killed in
battle, David went into his room and grieved, wishing he had died instead of
Absalom. Joab told him that he was treating the people who had defended him as
though they were the ones who did wrong. He urged David to reassure the people
of his appreciation or they would all cease following him.
1 Kings
19:1-4,13-18 – Elijah had demonstrated the power of God and had slain the
prophets of Baal at Mount Carmel (chapter 18). But Jezebel threatened to take
his life, so he fled and prayed for God to take his life. At Mount Horeb God
asked him what he was doing there. Elijah said all the prophets of God had been
slain, he was the only one left, and they sought to kill him.
God told him to
get up and go anoint people to various leadership roles. But God still had
seven thousand who had not bowed their knee to Baal. Things were not nearly as
bad as Elijah thought, and God still had work for him. He needed to stop
brooding and get to work.
When people
wallow in bitter self-pity, often they sit around and mope. They tend to think
things are worse than what they really are. They may neglect their work, they
may fail to appreciate their real friends, or they may mistreat those close to
them. Regardless of how they feel, they need to get up, go to work, and
appreciate the blessings they have and the people who care for them.
Examples of
People Who Overcame Bitterness
============================
Genesis 39:4,22 –
Joseph’s brothers sold him as a slave to Egypt. Later he was imprisoned because
his master’s wife lied about him. But instead of sitting around feeling sorry
for himself, Joseph always worked hard and did the best he could in whatever
position he found himself.
Esther 4:1,5-8 –
Mordecai cried aloud bitterly when he heard that Haman had issued a decree that
all Jews would be slain. However, he immediately went to work on the problem by
urging Esther to speak to the king on behalf of the Jews.
Matthew 26:37-44
– Jesus in Gethsemane was facing severe mistreatment and injustice. But after
praying to God, He proceeded to act with courage and strength to do exactly
what He knew was the will of the Father.
Acts 4:18-31 –
Peter and John had been called before the Sanhedrin council, warned not to
preach about Jesus, and threatened with punishment. Instead of moping and
feeling sorry for themselves, they met with other Christians and prayed to God
for boldness. Then they continued to preach despite the threats. [Acts 5:40-42]
Ephesians 4:31,32
– Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away, with
all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
just as God in Christ forgave you. Bitterness is associated with wrath, anger,
evil speaking, and malice. Often our bitterness expresses itself in mistreating
those around us even when they have done us no wrong. The solution is to learn
to be kind and forgiving as God is. [James 3:11]
Colossians 3:19 –
Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Often our
bitterness is expressed especially toward family members. Apparently we as men
have a special problem. The solution is to love and act for the good of others
instead of brooding about problems.
[Leviticus 19:18;
Romans 12:14,17-21; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7; James 3:14-17; Nehemiah 13:4-9; 2
Samuel 2:26; Ephesians 6:5-8; 1 Peter 2:18-20]
If Our Bitterness
Involves Sin, We Must Repent and Seek Forgiveness.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Sometimes People
Become Bitter Because of the Consequences of Their Sins.
============================================
Psalm 38:1-8 –
David said the consequences of his sins and of God’s wrath was a burden too
heavy to be borne. He confessed his errors and called upon God to help him
(verses 18-22).
Psalm 32:1-5 –
David groaned all day long because of the burden of guilt; but when he
confessed his sins, God forgave him.
Matthew 26:75 –
Peter wept bitterly when he realized he had been guilty of denying Christ.
Acts 8:22,23 –
Simon had been forgiven yet he went back into sin. Peter said that he was
poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity. He must repent and pray for
forgiveness.
Often people
wallow in self-pity and bitterness because of the consequences of their own
sins. They may deny their guilt, make excuses, or blame others. Some even blame
God for their problems. The only real solution is to recognize that one is
suffering the guilt of his own sins and seek forgiveness according to the
Scriptures.
[Ezra 10:1]
Sometimes Bitter
Self Pity Leads Us to Commit Sin.
===============================
In other cases,
people may become so bitterly resentful and full of self-pity that they allow
their bitterness to lead them to commit sin. In this case, sin may not be the
initial cause of the bitterness, but failure to handle the problems of life
properly may lead to bitterness which in turn becomes sinful.
Job 42:1-5 – Job
was required to acknowledge his error because his bitterness had led him to
complain against God. Job had suffered initially through no fault of his own.
The Scriptures plainly say that he was upright before God. However, he allowed
his bitterness and resentment because of his suffering to lead him to complain
against God and blame God improperly.
Hebrews 12:15 –
Look carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of
bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.
Sometimes bitterness begins because people fall short of the grace of God. But
it may grow and create problems for other people. As a result many may become
defiled.
James 3:14 – If
you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie
against the truth. Bitterness is often caused by selfishness and envy, and it
often leads to them.
So again,
bitterness is often associated with sin. It may be the result of sin. Or when
we suffer through no fault of our own, we may respond improperly, which in turn
may lead to sin.
When sin is the
cause of our bitterness or when it is the result of our bitterness, in either
case we must seek God’s forgiveness.
[Romans 4:13,14;
2 Chronicles 33:12,13]
Conclusions
=======
This study has
focused on a specific area of negative thinking, but the principles we have
learned also apply to other related problems including worry and anxiety,
depression, and desire for vengeance. If you are struggling with these thought
patterns, I encourage you to think seriously about the principles in this
lesson.
The passages we
have studied do not teach that it is always wrong to think about the fact that
others mistreat us. Moses, Jesus, the apostles, and other faithful servants
were aware of their mistreatment and thought about it. When people did wrong it
was because they did not react properly to the mistreatment.
So, let us
summarize the lessons to be learned:
The dangers of
bitter resentment and self-pity:
**************************************
* We may blame
God for our problems or fail to trust Him to truly meet our needs.
* We may imagine
that others have mistreated us and falsely accuse those who are innocent.
* We may seek
vengeance or try to hurt those who have mistreated us.
* We may hold
grudges and fail to truly forgive those who repent and ask forgiveness.
* We may envy
those who are wicked, wishing we could avoid God’s requirements.
* We may fail to
recognize and appreciate God’s blessings.
* We may mistreat
those around us rather than recognizing the good they do us.
* We may neglect
to fulfill our responsibilities because we are wallowing in self-pity.
Steps to
overcoming the dangers of bitter resentment and self-pity:
*****************************************************
* Pray and study
God’s word.
* Trust God that
He knows what is best and His word is right.
* Dwell on the
blessings of God and appreciate the good He does.
* Appreciate the
good others do and be sure to treat those around you properly.
* Consider the
needs of others and focus on solving problems.
* Remember your
responsibilities and go to work on the tasks God has for you.
* Seek
forgiveness for your sins.
* Focus on your
eternal reward rather than discouraging yourself with self-pity.
Do you find
yourself, like me, at times brooding and feeling sorry for yourself with bitter
feelings because you think others around you mistreat you or cause problems for
you because they act improperly? If so, I challenge you to take to heart the
principles we have studied.
Philippians 4:6-8
– Rather than feeling anxious, we must go to God in prayer seeking His help
with our problems. We must be grateful for the many good blessings that He has
given us. We must focus our thoughts on those things that are pure and virtuous
and praiseworthy, etc. The end result will give us peace that passes
understanding.
Do you have sins
in your life that you need to correct in order to receive God’s forgiveness? Do
you need to become a child of God by repenting of your sins, confessing Christ,
and being baptized? Has bitterness or some other temptation in life led you
into error? If so, why not obey the gospel teaching and be forgiven of your
sins?
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